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Matelot

Published

29th July 2025

Modified

29th July 2025

HMS Queen Elizabeth (R08)

HMS Queen Elizabeth (R08)

I almost was a matelot 1
many years ago
but chose a different calling
becoming a pongo 2 3

now living by a dockyard
it’s quite a common sight
to see a seaborne vessel
arrive by day or night

but pardon me for noting
this specific one
that rests at anchor off the shore
basking in the sun

the captain is a woman
hooray! I hear you shout
our Navy is no boys’ club
misogyny is out

she isn’t named for who you think
(the ship, that is, I mean)
and with her proper complement
serves the King and Queen

so thanks to all the matelots
who keep us free from harm
it’s nice to have you calling
may your seas be safe and calm.

29th July 2025

Footnotes

  1. Sailor. See arrse.co.uk for the etymology.↩︎

  2. Soldier. Again, see arrse.co.uk, although I was told by an ex-crab that it came from “where the army goes, the pongoes”. Things like that just start fights.↩︎

  3. Members of the Royal Air Force are known as “crabs” in the other services. Again, see arrse.co.uk, or this explanation.↩︎

  • © Copyright 2025 Nick Hood